Prayer

  If you're following along with me, I want you to be able to see the heart behind my efforts. That's why I created the "Prayers" tab. This is the place where I will get a little vulnerable and share some excerpts from my personal prayer journal. (Not all of them, because I do believe in having "a secret place" with God.) I hope sharing some of my triumphs and struggles helps encourage you in your own journey. It's a little scary, but sharing my spiritual walk with you is the MOST important to me. Of course, if you have prayer requests of your own, send them to me via the "contact" tab!

 What are You trying to teach me?

What issues in my heart are You trying to raise through this?

What is it You want me to see?

What are You asking me to let go of?

Me help me love what You love and hate what You hate. 

Prayer

  If you're following along with me, I want you to be able to see the heart behind my efforts. That's why I created the "Prayers" tab. This is the place where I will get a little vulnerable and share some excerpts from my personal prayer journal. (Not all of them, because I do believe in having "a secret place" with God.) I hope sharing some of my triumphs and struggles helps encourage you in your own journey. It's a little scary, but sharing my spiritual walk with you is the MOST important to me. Of course, if you have prayer requests of your own, send them to me via the "contact" tab!

You just SHOOK ME with a message I needed to hear. And You knew I needed to hear. 

In case I read this and want to watch it again, it’s “The Gospel in 3 Days: Friday: A Crucified Messiah” from the 2019 Bible Lectures. 

WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWWW. 

It spoke to my heart, because I’ve been wanting to be able to grasp the crucifixion better. As an empath, the fact that I can’t be moved to rear literally every time I even remotely think about.....really bugs me. 

And this man was kind of saying the same thing. But he literally slaughtered his own lamb, so he could FEEL the true meaning of the ultimate sacrifice. He also told of a miracle where some man got sores on his hands and feet after pursuing this specific type of intimacy. 

I don’t really want to slaughter a lamb, and if You want to give me sores on my hands and feet...I mean, that’s fine....don’t necessarily want that either, BUT... I would take it. If it helped me feel the true magnitude of the cross. 

I’m just praying, as an empath, to help me tap into that emotion. I want to be more moved when I think about this. I feel like, by nature, I (maybe all of us?) have suppressed it. Because it IS too painful. 

But we know how it ends. And I am mature enough to handle it. Even if it breaks me, I feel like I need to experience this intimacy. 

So...I’m not gonna lie, this is a scary prayer. Because I don’t know how it will be answered. But I think it’s important - no, VITAL - in my relationship with You. Especially if I’m seeking to go deeper and deeper into relationship with You. 

There are certain things in the church that we subconsciously suppress, because they are either too painful or too much for us to handle - too great in magnitude to grasp, so we don’t even try. We go with the more basic things. Easier to grasp. To understand. 

But I want something so much more than that, Lord. I’m not of this world; I don’t want to confine my thinking and my being to just this world. 

I care about my relationship and YOU too much. 

So please help me encounter. 

Help me feel. 

Help me weep with overwhelming emotion. 

I want a crazy-passionate love that is unexplainable. Only to be experienced. 

I just want more You. Of knowing You. Of loving You. Of feeling You. 

Blue Bell and the Bible: A Word About Body Image

 I recently had a conversation with my best friend about body image. It's not uncommon for this type of conversation to happen...like...ALL the time amongst girlfriends. Why? Because it is something we think about constantly. 

After the conversation ended, I began to think and I asked myself: Why is this such a problem with women? (By the way, I want to say now that it is not just a "girl thing." Guys struggle with this, too. I think that the extent to which we dwell on it, though, is *astronomically* greater than men.) 

It brought up so many questions within me?

Where are we getting our standard of beauty?

Do we just assume women in Bible times were all knockouts, with no rolls or cellulite?

Most of all:

Why can we accept and embrace that we were made in God's image when it comes to morality and personality, but we cannot wrap our minds around it when talking about our physicality?

Because the fact of the matter is - when someone compliments me on my joyful personality or my empathy or my sincerity - I can accept it. I can believe those qualities came from God. I can believe I am created in God's image.

When someone compliments my trustworthiness, or my dedication, or even my goofiness, I can accept it. I like those qualities in myself. I believe those qualities help make up who I am as a child of God.

But if you made me strip down to my most vulnerable state and stand in front of a mirror and just...look...

I wouldn't be so accepting. I would see the stretch marks, the cellulite, the fact that I still, (despite trying,) don't have abs. (Now you see where the Blue Bell comes into play.) I would be forced to look at my side profile that I have hated since the day a girl told me I look like a witch from the side. I would see my giant hips and my untoned arms, my wonky knees, and my cankles. 

But I wouldn't see God. 

I wouldn't see His hand in this creation.

I wouldn't see that the time, the care, and the passion He put into this physical being. It would be unfathomable for me to imagine Him stepping back, admiring this masterpiece, and saying to Himself when He was finished -- "Yes. It is perfect."

Why?

Why, then, do I disrespect Him like this??

It is true that my body is a temple; why do I look at it like it's a graffitied, abandoned warehouse? Why do I also treat it as such?

So many blog posts and articles will tell you that God looks at the heart. And that's true! Inner beauty is of the upmost (Lol that's a New Girl reference..anyone? Anyone catch that?) importance.

But don't discount your beauty. The wholeness of Your beauty.

That's inside, that's outside, that's EVERY SINGLE THING ABOUT YOU.

God created You just exactly how He wanted you to be.

You don't get to pick that apart. 

You ARE beautiful. 

You ARE "Imago Dei" -- a reflection of the beauty of God Himself.

You are exactly you. And God made no mistake. You are His perfect and truly beautiful masterpiece.

Start seeing that version of you.

Start loving that version of you.

Letter

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Prayer

 If you're following along with me, I want you to be able to see the heart behind my efforts. That's why I created the "Prayers" tab. This is the place where I will get a little vulnerable and share some excerpts from my personal prayer journal. (Not all of them, because I do believe in having "a secret place" with God.) I hope sharing some of my triumphs and struggles helps encourage you in your own journey. It's a little scary, but sharing my spiritual walk with you is the MOST important to me. Of course, if you have prayer requests of your own, send them to me via the "contact" tab! 

 I wish I could be braver. 

All of these doors You are showing me, potentially opening up for me...and I’m so scared to move forward. 

I know I need to move forward. I know I want to move forward. But I’m such a small, scared little girl in this world.  

Please help me to be brave. I don’t want to block blessings from You. And I don’t want to keep other people from receiving blessing that You might use me for. 

I’m so scared. I never know exactly what to do or how to take care of myself. I have always had a hard time with being independent. 

But this is a great time to lean on You. And let You show me Your power. And let You comfort me and give me peace. And to follow where You are leading me. 

Please help me be braver for You. And please help me just do it - just follow where You lead me - even if I’m scared. 

Prayers

 If you're following along with me, I want you to be able to see the heart behind my efforts. That's why I created the "Prayers" tab. This is the place where I will get a little vulnerable and share some excerpts from my personal prayer journal. (Not all of them, because I do believe in having "a secret place" with God.) I hope sharing some of my triumphs and struggles helps encourage you in your own journey. It's a little scary, but sharing my spiritual walk with you is the MOST important to me. Of course, if you have prayer requests of your own, send them to me via the "contact" tab! 

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Mirror, Mirror

 This tab is all about who we are. It's a place for makeup and other girly things, of course. But, more importantly, it is about our identity. This is a great place to start if you are interested in digging deeper into your identity as a daughter of the King.