Prayer

  If you're following along with me, I want you to be able to see the heart behind my efforts. That's why I created the "Prayers" tab. This is the place where I will get a little vulnerable and share some excerpts from my personal prayer journal. (Not all of them, because I do believe in having "a secret place" with God.) I hope sharing some of my triumphs and struggles helps encourage you in your own journey. It's a little scary, but sharing my spiritual walk with you is the MOST important to me. Of course, if you have prayer requests of your own, send them to me via the "contact" tab!

You just SHOOK ME with a message I needed to hear. And You knew I needed to hear. 

In case I read this and want to watch it again, it’s “The Gospel in 3 Days: Friday: A Crucified Messiah” from the 2019 Bible Lectures. 

WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWWW. 

It spoke to my heart, because I’ve been wanting to be able to grasp the crucifixion better. As an empath, the fact that I can’t be moved to rear literally every time I even remotely think about.....really bugs me. 

And this man was kind of saying the same thing. But he literally slaughtered his own lamb, so he could FEEL the true meaning of the ultimate sacrifice. He also told of a miracle where some man got sores on his hands and feet after pursuing this specific type of intimacy. 

I don’t really want to slaughter a lamb, and if You want to give me sores on my hands and feet...I mean, that’s fine....don’t necessarily want that either, BUT... I would take it. If it helped me feel the true magnitude of the cross. 

I’m just praying, as an empath, to help me tap into that emotion. I want to be more moved when I think about this. I feel like, by nature, I (maybe all of us?) have suppressed it. Because it IS too painful. 

But we know how it ends. And I am mature enough to handle it. Even if it breaks me, I feel like I need to experience this intimacy. 

So...I’m not gonna lie, this is a scary prayer. Because I don’t know how it will be answered. But I think it’s important - no, VITAL - in my relationship with You. Especially if I’m seeking to go deeper and deeper into relationship with You. 

There are certain things in the church that we subconsciously suppress, because they are either too painful or too much for us to handle - too great in magnitude to grasp, so we don’t even try. We go with the more basic things. Easier to grasp. To understand. 

But I want something so much more than that, Lord. I’m not of this world; I don’t want to confine my thinking and my being to just this world. 

I care about my relationship and YOU too much. 

So please help me encounter. 

Help me feel. 

Help me weep with overwhelming emotion. 

I want a crazy-passionate love that is unexplainable. Only to be experienced. 

I just want more You. Of knowing You. Of loving You. Of feeling You.